My son wants to leave the instrument: what do I do?

Don't get hot. A "I don't care" after a frustrating practice isn't the same as a week-old misinterest. Before answering, figure out what's behind: a very difficult piece, a Repertoire that doesn't say anything to her, a teacher with which she doesn't connect, an instrument that isn't his own or an agenda that's too full.

Many times a concrete change resolves the problem. Others, a pause with a date of return is the most healthy thing. And sometimes leaving them is the right decision. Here we help you to distinguish each case.

To sum up

To leave an instrument is quite common, especially as the novelties of the first few months and to pre-adolescence pass.
Before deciding, converge calmly to understand the real cause.
To change the repertoire, teacher, format or even instrument resolves many cases.
A date pause to re-speak is a valid option, not a failure.
If the misinterest holds after the changes, leave them well, closing the cycle, it's also to learn.

First: do not decide hot

Almost all children who learn an instrument say at some point they want to leave. It usually happens after the novelties of the first few months, when pieces become more demanding or about 10 to 13 years old, when interest and free time change.

The first thing is to separate the moment from the pattern. I propose a simple agreement: "Let's continue till the end of the month (or to the sample) and while we speak about it." Then look for a quiet moment, far from the instrument, to discuss. Some questions that help:

What do you least care about class or practice?
Is there anything you do like, even if it's a song or a time of class?
If you could play any song, what would that be?
Do you want to leave this instrument or the music in general?
How do you feel about your teacher?

He's listening without defending his class or reminding him of what it's been about.

Common cause and what to prove in each case

What they say, what's going on and what to prove
That's what she says.	What's been going on	What to prove
"That's very difficult."	He's on a plateau or his piece's above his level.	To speak with the teacher to adjust demand, divide into small goals, and get back to pieces that you enjoy.
That's boring.	The repertoire doesn't say anything to him or the classes became routine.	Include music that she likes, play with others, propose a goal as a video or a sample.
"I don't like teacher."	Lack of connection, or a very rigid or unpatient style for him.	To discuss with teacher or to prove with another that best suits his personality.
I have no time.	Overloaded program between school and jobs and other activities.	Check the full week, change class time or reduce another activity.
"I feel bad about playing."	Afraid to get wrong with others or with the presentations.	A smaller and more gradual presentation, first with family.
"I want to play drums."	He's found another instrument that's more surprising to him.	To consider change: what we have learned will be transferred.

If you also mention pain in your hands, back or neck, don't miss it: it can be a problem with posture or instrument size and have to be reviewed with teacher.

Change something before we leave everything

The Repertoire

It's the easiest and often the most effective change. A song that a child chooses can reactivate his gain in a few weeks. piano can be his favorite movie's music, guitar, and music that sounds everywhere, and violinThe theme of a video game or a bambuco that she heard at school.

The teacher

Not all teachers connect with all children. To change isn't unfair: it's to search for the right person. Before deciding, a class sample let you see how another teacher relates to your child, and in [teachers directory]](/profes) you can check options by instrument.

The format

Sometimes the problem isn't music but logistics: class falls at a bad hour, his journey tiresome or his screen doesn't work. Going from virtual to home (or the other way around) or from an individual class to a small group with a friend or brother can change everything.

The instrument

If the interest in music remains alive but the instrument doesn't say anything to her, changing is reasonable. The ear, reading and rhythm she earned are not lost. That guide about what instrument to choose for your child. It helps you figure out what's next.

A pause's also an option

Between following and leaving at best there's an intermediate point: a pause with date. For example, stop during the exam season or at midyear holidays and have a talk again at a concrete date.

Leave the instrument to light and available, with no obligation to touch it.
Keep the music present: concerts, lists of shared songs, play for fun.
He agrees with his teacher how to get back to his place, so that his return isn't about to start from scratch.

Many children come back with more gain after a pause, just because music was no longer an obligation. And if they don't come back, the decision will be made more calmly and more information.

When's best to leave

Insist has a limit. These signs indicate that leaving an instrument can be right:

The misinterest remains for months, even after changing repertoire, teacher or format.
The classes give him constant anguish: I cry before every session, malaise, fear.
He found another activity to which he does engage with enthusiasm.
You realize that the wish to be followed is more yours than his.

If you decide to leave, do so well: finish the cycle (the month, the sample, a final piece), celebrate what you have learned and leave the door open. Many adults come back to music years later and it's much easier to do so when memory's good.

What we do not have to say and do

Remind him what it's been about: "with everything we have invested..." just adds blame.
To compare with brothers, cousins or partners who continue to play.
To threaten with punishment if they do not continue, or to use practice as a punishment.
To decide without consulting the teacher or listening to the child.
To let him leave his first stumbling place at once. Learning how to get through a difficult stage is also part of the process.

The balance is between not giving up to the first "I don't want" and not holding something that doesn't give them up. If the friction point is daily practice, check these ideas to [motivate your child to practice]](/blog/como-motivar-a-tu-hijo-a-practicar-su-instrumento).

Frequently asked questions

Is it normal that a child wants to leave the instrument?

That's quite common. It happens after the novelties have been put to an end, after the pieces have become more demanding or after their interests have been changed. It doesn't mean that the music isn't for him. It means that it's worth revising what's going on.

Do I have to force him to follow?

What does help to get force to work rarely works. What does help you to get a clear time commitment while together understanding the cause and trying some change. Then, they decide with more information.

How long before you decide?

A few weeks, or up to the next milestone (end of the month, a sample, end of the semester), are usually sufficient to prove a change and see how it responds. The important thing is that the time frame be clear for both of them.

To change instrument is to start from scratch?

No. The rhythm, ear, reading and practice tend to be brought to the new instrument. A child passing from piano to drums, or from violin to guitar, often advances faster than someone who has never been touched.